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Georgina Zinno

In Search Of My True Self

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self-esteem

The Final Cut*

 

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I now realize it’s been almost half a year since the last time I wrote here. Nothing wrong about it, of course, I’ve already stated I’m not a blogger anymore, I just keep my label as a writer who writes whenever suits her.. And that’s fine.

Things have been speeding up this last half year. My last entry went about how freedom was something in the mind, something you realize it’s not about hiding your grieve and faking a mask of happiness. This has been really clear to me through all these months lately.

It’s like when you gain new knowledge and information, about yourself, about the world, and then suddenly you discover that everything you thought was real it just isn’t. That emptiness can be really scary.

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Freedom is a state of mind

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My heart has been pounding from one state of mind to another. Wondering along the way which state was better to hold on, I grabbed my own self many times wishing there was only one way to fulfil my hungry heart.
It seems to me that this wondering attracts also lots of instability, doubt and feelings such as failure, disappointment and yes, sadness. Why? Because that’s what happens when you do your best not to feel, when you shut yourself up to the old and decide that all pain you’ve been going through it’s enough. Finito.

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How to measure #Happiness

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It’s been a month ago I was telling you about the last project I’ve got myself into. The #AugustBreak2014, project from Susannah Conway, started quite good I must say. Until the middle of the month August I felt happy to be participating with my Instagram and Twitter accounts, I even posted some pics on my Facebook profile as well.
Then later, I came back from a short week holidays in Brussels and life here turned out to be much more difficult than what it already was. And to tell the truth, I’ve started to lose feet in it.. Feeling more and more lonely and unsure on how was I going to continue living in this tiresome situation without a clear end in sight?

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Through the looking glass

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I’ve realized lately that it’s been two months ago since my last post. Quite a lot of time for a real blog, I must say.. But, like I also said it other times, I’m not always in the mood for writing in English. Anyway, I’ve been going through quite a lot of stuff the last months, and now it was time to share some of it with you here.

The title for this post has to do, of course, with the great jewel of literature which Lewis Carroll wrote, about the adventures of little Alice.

I feel much as her many times. It seems to me little Alice was a dreamy and sensitive girl who enjoyed much about her own private world. The same I was when a young.

Recently I’ve been going through many changes in my life. Although I still don’t have a job and also didn’t move out yet (waiting for that big moment to come soon!). But I published my first book, gave some presentations in different cities here in Holland, being working on my own path step by step. Sometimes it looks like a poor start, but I know I’m on the right path.

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Back to basics & (why not?) from bitter to better

3422Well, hello there again, It’s been quite a long time since my last post.

And you may think I lost my creativity somewhere on the way, or my inspiration. But nope, reality is that what I lost was my sight. Yes, as you read it. My glasses broke and I’ve been spending more than two weeks not seeing properly. And not only I couldn’t read nor write, I had times of evil headaches and a strained neck product of trying really hard to read emails on my computer.  Altogether it’s just a bad thing.

Anyway, here I am, alive and kicking. And what can I tell you about the whole experience of feeling nearly blind? It helped me to see (literally) things in a different way.

From what you know up to now about me, I think it’s obviously clear that since I started this quest to be helped to find a job and how every step further developed my path, I’m still facing the same insecurity from the beginning. With the little difference now that being thrown up to another dimension of my same life made me think about my whole search as a sort of magical reason to understand other aspects of my life. Let me explain myself better.

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The Ultimate Job Search – making the best out your career and life mission

Sponsored post by Holanda Conecta* and Conquista Coach

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Since I started with this blog I’ve been more than secretly hoping that opportunities were to come to me one way or another. Being unemployed, now longer than a year, makes every day more difficult to believe there will be a job out there for me. It’s a kind of depression not to be working, not only because I’m living in a kind of poverty, also the fact that I’m aware that all my talents and skills are not being used. It also has to do with a lack of self-fulfilment.

Of course, you can think this is just an excuse not to go for it. Like I heard many times, if I’m so desperate about having a job, there are plenty of possibilities out there. And I agree there are possibilities, but as I said at the beginning not all these job opportunities seem to be the right one for me. Believe me; I myself can’t afford to stay any longer without earning that money I need every month to pay my bills.

This blog has been opening me some doors, not only many people are actually reading what I have to say, there are others waiting to see how I evolve and wishing me all the best. Imagine my happiness when Eva Visser Plaza from Holanda Conecta, together with Eugenia Vega Montesino from Conquista Coach invited me to participate to her training ‘The Ultimate Job Search’ in Amsterdam on a whole day Saturday. This was the chance I was waiting for to learn new tips & tricks and interact with fellow job seekers! Every opportunity is always a possibility for change. This was clearly mine.

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The Final Countdown

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Welcome back to my challenge! As you see, the challenge is coming to an end. And I’m afraid it didn’t give me the results I was hoping for: finding a job.

So now I still have 10 more days to go. Everything can happen before 13 May, that’s true. But, you know what? I don’t expect much anymore.

The last weeks I was having lots of confidence, feeling lucky and positive. I knew something good was on my way, although I couldn’t place exactly what it was.

I’ve been experimenting lots of different personal issues these last months. I was expecting that this or that other contact was going to bring some new light to my life, that even that was going to change my life for good. But that was not exactly what was happening. I’ve got some bad news, or better be said, not the news I was expecting. That was a big punch because I felt sure that there was a job and some new possibilities coming on my way. So, when I found out that this wasn’t going to be the chance I was waiting for, my world collapsed. I must say I’m still recovering myself from it. It’s been a difficult week. The ideas and plans I’ve had in  my head weren’t going the direction I wanted. All of sudden I felt miserable, disappointed, empty and tired. When you feel desperate and you sort of see some light at the end of the tunnel, you become to feel happy, even too much happy I think, so enthusiastic that when I heard the bad news my whole world fell apart.

And that is so horrible. I was having some great days, feeling powerful, even happy. Thinking about my future, how was everything going to be, with the feeling that all was going to get better. So, at some point, I was just illusioned, and frankly when you wake up with a big wake up call back to reality I lost my balance. I’m stil recovering from it. It’s been difficult, quite scary to move forward without a notion of how the future will develop.

At that point I was still feeling in one piece, but little by little all these pieces I was picking up some time back, were falling down and cracking.

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