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Georgina Zinno

In Search Of My True Self

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meditation

The Final Cut*

 

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I now realize it’s been almost half a year since the last time I wrote here. Nothing wrong about it, of course, I’ve already stated I’m not a blogger anymore, I just keep my label as a writer who writes whenever suits her.. And that’s fine.

Things have been speeding up this last half year. My last entry went about how freedom was something in the mind, something you realize it’s not about hiding your grieve and faking a mask of happiness. This has been really clear to me through all these months lately.

It’s like when you gain new knowledge and information, about yourself, about the world, and then suddenly you discover that everything you thought was real it just isn’t. That emptiness can be really scary.

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Through the looking glass

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I’ve realized lately that it’s been two months ago since my last post. Quite a lot of time for a real blog, I must say.. But, like I also said it other times, I’m not always in the mood for writing in English. Anyway, I’ve been going through quite a lot of stuff the last months, and now it was time to share some of it with you here.

The title for this post has to do, of course, with the great jewel of literature which Lewis Carroll wrote, about the adventures of little Alice.

I feel much as her many times. It seems to me little Alice was a dreamy and sensitive girl who enjoyed much about her own private world. The same I was when a young.

Recently I’ve been going through many changes in my life. Although I still don’t have a job and also didn’t move out yet (waiting for that big moment to come soon!). But I published my first book, gave some presentations in different cities here in Holland, being working on my own path step by step. Sometimes it looks like a poor start, but I know I’m on the right path.

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The space between

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Lately I’m in a poor mood for writing. It has been weeks, almost months since I came up with new ideas, new thoughts to pour down into this blog.

As a writer & blogger, the way I like to call myself, I feel the urgency of writing almost 24 hours a day. But lately, life has been unfolding into deep waves of solitude and I’m longing for quietness more and more.

Today the day I decide to write again for you out there, reaching out my hands in an attempt to fulfil my loneliness. Keeping track of what makes me feel alive. Writing. As pure as it is. Writing, because my words can stay hollow in the deepest seas but they’re still here to end my suffering.

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Picking up the pieces

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This post was already in my mind a week ago. First I thought to name it Picking up the signs, but  the expression didn’t seem quite right  in English. And while looking for a good picture to add emphasis, I couldn’t find any at all with the idea I was looking for.

I thought to myself that this was maybe another sign I was not paying attention to.

Still didn’t find the right picture for my idea of ‘picking up signs’, so let it be pieces then.

A week ago I was telling you about the purpose of this challenge and how I also realized that being who you really are is of great importance in this search for a job, and yourself.

After that post I’ve got some good reactions, and I started feeling closer to the edge of where I was meant to go to. It was like all of sudden, but in reality wasn’t like that at all. You see, this quest isn’t new for me, it’s just that for the first time I dare to do it publicly. Using social media for myself to be helped to find a job has been enthousiastically received. But at the same time has been really overwhelming.

Nevertheless, I’ve got the message. And this was a message of change and fulfillment, but not yet fully for me to understand it.

Some weeks ago, before setting myself to look forward than what my eyes could reach, I began daily meditation at home. Although  not having always enough free time for it, I decided to do it while my daughter was taking her nap. Normally I use this time to write or to do other things on the computer or to do things around the house. It’s not always easier to do everything you want when you have a little kid behind you (or next to you) asking all the time for your attention. Of course there are ways to push her attention somewhere else, but that trick not always works.

Continue reading “Picking up the pieces”

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