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Georgina Zinno

In Search Of My True Self

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The power within facing my own fears

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For the last – almost – 4 years, I’ve been learning quite a lot about myself and my inner transformation has been taking place, even when I wasn’t consciously aware of it.
The last year and half has been a blessing, but also a huge challenge for me. Although I might look fiercely and strong (I sort of project this image) many times I’m simply weak and depressed by the fact that life is tougher than what I expect.
Fear is the opposite of love, you know. We tend to think that hate is the opposite, but that’s not completely right. And this is because we tend to think always about complementary and opposite ideas. It’s a way to understand the world that we are living in, and specially ourselves.

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The Final Cut*

 

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I now realize it’s been almost half a year since the last time I wrote here. Nothing wrong about it, of course, I’ve already stated I’m not a blogger anymore, I just keep my label as a writer who writes whenever suits her.. And that’s fine.

Things have been speeding up this last half year. My last entry went about how freedom was something in the mind, something you realize it’s not about hiding your grieve and faking a mask of happiness. This has been really clear to me through all these months lately.

It’s like when you gain new knowledge and information, about yourself, about the world, and then suddenly you discover that everything you thought was real it just isn’t. That emptiness can be really scary.

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Freedom is a state of mind

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My heart has been pounding from one state of mind to another. Wondering along the way which state was better to hold on, I grabbed my own self many times wishing there was only one way to fulfil my hungry heart.
It seems to me that this wondering attracts also lots of instability, doubt and feelings such as failure, disappointment and yes, sadness. Why? Because that’s what happens when you do your best not to feel, when you shut yourself up to the old and decide that all pain you’ve been going through it’s enough. Finito.

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Live to tell* (Going nuts in Paris)

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Today is exactly a week ago that I literally came back to life. I was spending last Sunday Easter day my time with a good friend in beautiful city of lights, Paris, France.
It’s been exactly 21 years ago since I’ve been in this lovely city. My friend Octavio was coming to Europe and after deciding it wasn’t possible for us to meet in the Netherlands; we gave up the hope of seeing each other again.
Later on, I had the brilliant idea to fly to Paris and spend this long weekend with him. It was possible, and everything was arranged for us to spend this Easter weekend together. So I flew by plane on Friday afternoon and we met at the airport. It was quite an experience for me, since it was a long month since my bike accident and I wasn’t going out that much due to the injury in my knee.
Anyway, we spend some nice time together until Sunday.

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Enter the dark side

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I’ve been silent for long. Silent and hidden in my perfect bubble home.
Since 4 weeks ago, after a serious bike accident and a deep injury in my knee, I’m enjoying the art of nothing and resting for good.
It was in the previous weeks to the bike accident that my life was jumping from one foot to the other. Although the feeling inside was kind of fine – always in a hurry, no time to think things over, freak control over kids, house, work and myself. Let’s face it, I’m a control freak. And as such, I tend to overthink and stress for little things, like toys on the floor, dinner ready on time, etc.

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In the mood for love*

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It’s been a long way for me to rebirth. Since my last post about Happiness, how to measure it when you’re under lots of stress, personal changes and master the art of balance within emptiness, I’m now feeling free to write again.
Since mid-September up to now I’ve been experiencing major changes in my whole path. Today I feel fulfilment and grace. And this wasn’t easy at all, many obstacles throughout the way, moments I thought I was going to burst into tears and just wanted to leave it all behind. Anyway, life has made me stronger than what I thought I was capable of. And now, not only I feel free to write, I’m also happy to do it.
After a long-term relationship that was already broken for longer than 2 years, I finally took the decision to move forward. To run into the emptiness of not knowing how it was going to be, being a single mom living abroad without family or resources, trusting the process of growing up and accepting life as it comes.
In this sense, I know there’s much still to come, and indeed time can heal all our wounds, but it is up to us how we master resilience when all we want is to step back.

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How to measure #Happiness

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It’s been a month ago I was telling you about the last project I’ve got myself into. The #AugustBreak2014, project from Susannah Conway, started quite good I must say. Until the middle of the month August I felt happy to be participating with my Instagram and Twitter accounts, I even posted some pics on my Facebook profile as well.
Then later, I came back from a short week holidays in Brussels and life here turned out to be much more difficult than what it already was. And to tell the truth, I’ve started to lose feet in it.. Feeling more and more lonely and unsure on how was I going to continue living in this tiresome situation without a clear end in sight?

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Leave and let go

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Recently I’ve been toying with this crazy idea about leaving it all behind. Let myself explain it better.. It’s much easier said than done. When it comes to ‘leave it all behind’ this image of running away from everything what’s harming my life is the first thing it comes to my mind. But when I look around and I see how the world evolves and all the beautiful and important things my world is made of, and then I know it’s not that easy to be done. And, also, I’m not so sure that could bring any relief to the situation itself. There’s had to be another way.

Anyway, I’m stuck between my own thoughts of leaving and letting go. At this present moment everything around me seems like too much to handle. I’m broken, loveless, living in a desperate situation; nothing seems to be good enough. But wait.. There’s much more than that. I have two beautiful kids, great friends, many talents to develop  and for sure much more! It is an internal feeling that nothing lasts forever.

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Through the looking glass

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I’ve realized lately that it’s been two months ago since my last post. Quite a lot of time for a real blog, I must say.. But, like I also said it other times, I’m not always in the mood for writing in English. Anyway, I’ve been going through quite a lot of stuff the last months, and now it was time to share some of it with you here.

The title for this post has to do, of course, with the great jewel of literature which Lewis Carroll wrote, about the adventures of little Alice.

I feel much as her many times. It seems to me little Alice was a dreamy and sensitive girl who enjoyed much about her own private world. The same I was when a young.

Recently I’ve been going through many changes in my life. Although I still don’t have a job and also didn’t move out yet (waiting for that big moment to come soon!). But I published my first book, gave some presentations in different cities here in Holland, being working on my own path step by step. Sometimes it looks like a poor start, but I know I’m on the right path.

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