While we enter the new season, something has been cracking inside of me. It’s going to burst out all kind of things; flowers, colours and much different stuff. It comes like the tides, with high and low moments of freedom, insight, revelations, much new information still in process of downloading.
Spring is the time of rebirth. It’s the time when the seeds are ready to bloom. We leave behind the dark and cold days to receive the fullness of life.
I now realize it’s been almost half a year since the last time I wrote here. Nothing wrong about it, of course, I’ve already stated I’m not a blogger anymore, I just keep my label as a writer who writes whenever suits her.. And that’s fine.
Things have been speeding up this last half year. My last entry went about how freedom was something in the mind, something you realize it’s not about hiding your grieve and faking a mask of happiness. This has been really clear to me through all these months lately.
It’s like when you gain new knowledge and information, about yourself, about the world, and then suddenly you discover that everything you thought was real it just isn’t. That emptiness can be really scary.
Today is exactly a week ago that I literally came back to life. I was spending last Sunday Easter day my time with a good friend in beautiful city of lights, Paris, France.
It’s been exactly 21 years ago since I’ve been in this lovely city. My friend Octavio was coming to Europe and after deciding it wasn’t possible for us to meet in the Netherlands; we gave up the hope of seeing each other again.
Later on, I had the brilliant idea to fly to Paris and spend this long weekend with him. It was possible, and everything was arranged for us to spend this Easter weekend together. So I flew by plane on Friday afternoon and we met at the airport. It was quite an experience for me, since it was a long month since my bike accident and I wasn’t going out that much due to the injury in my knee.
Anyway, we spend some nice time together until Sunday.
It’s been a month ago I was telling you about the last project I’ve got myself into. The #AugustBreak2014, project from Susannah Conway, started quite good I must say. Until the middle of the month August I felt happy to be participating with my Instagram and Twitter accounts, I even posted some pics on my Facebook profile as well.
Then later, I came back from a short week holidays in Brussels and life here turned out to be much more difficult than what it already was. And to tell the truth, I’ve started to lose feet in it.. Feeling more and more lonely and unsure on how was I going to continue living in this tiresome situation without a clear end in sight?
The last weeks have been really busy back here in my small world. At this moment new projects coming my own way, new insights about love, friendship, work, dreams, children and just the rough everyday’s life. That’s what matters after all. Yours everyday’s life, what you put in your head since the moment you wake up to the moment you go back to horizontal position and (try to) sleep.
Some weeks ago sleeping was everything what I was thinking about. Yes, don’t take me wrong, sleeping like forgetting and letting go.
Lately I’m in a poor mood for writing. It has been weeks, almost months since I came up with new ideas, new thoughts to pour down into this blog.
As a writer & blogger, the way I like to call myself, I feel the urgency of writing almost 24 hours a day. But lately, life has been unfolding into deep waves of solitude and I’m longing for quietness more and more.
Today the day I decide to write again for you out there, reaching out my hands in an attempt to fulfil my loneliness. Keeping track of what makes me feel alive. Writing. As pure as it is. Writing, because my words can stay hollow in the deepest seas but they’re still here to end my suffering.
Welcome back! Week number 4 of the Blog Lovin’ Tour for the book The Declaration of You is now running! This time I felt a bit overwhelmed about it… The topic this time is Self-Care. This sounds really good but hum, not so easy to put it into practice.
Welcome back to this amazing tour, the book is already on every (North) American books store shelf! I’m really happy for Michelle and Jessica, they really did a great job putting their minds together to bring this book out!
“The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s Blog Lovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more – and join us! – by clicking: here.”
This post is my contribution to the cause. Hope you enjoy it!
Welcome back to my challenge! As you see, the challenge is coming to an end. And I’m afraid it didn’t give me the results I was hoping for: finding a job.
So now I still have 10 more days to go. Everything can happen before 13 May, that’s true. But, you know what? I don’t expect much anymore.
The last weeks I was having lots of confidence, feeling lucky and positive. I knew something good was on my way, although I couldn’t place exactly what it was.
I’ve been experimenting lots of different personal issues these last months. I was expecting that this or that other contact was going to bring some new light to my life, that even that was going to change my life for good. But that was not exactly what was happening. I’ve got some bad news, or better be said, not the news I was expecting. That was a big punch because I felt sure that there was a job and some new possibilities coming on my way. So, when I found out that this wasn’t going to be the chance I was waiting for, my world collapsed. I must say I’m still recovering myself from it. It’s been a difficult week. The ideas and plans I’ve had in my head weren’t going the direction I wanted. All of sudden I felt miserable, disappointed, empty and tired. When you feel desperate and you sort of see some light at the end of the tunnel, you become to feel happy, even too much happy I think, so enthusiastic that when I heard the bad news my whole world fell apart.
And that is so horrible. I was having some great days, feeling powerful, even happy. Thinking about my future, how was everything going to be, with the feeling that all was going to get better. So, at some point, I was just illusioned, and frankly when you wake up with a big wake up call back to reality I lost my balance. I’m stil recovering from it. It’s been difficult, quite scary to move forward without a notion of how the future will develop.
At that point I was still feeling in one piece, but little by little all these pieces I was picking up some time back, were falling down and cracking.
Hello again there! I’m happy to be back here writing for you. I must say that since I posted all the advice I’ve been given up to now, didn’t expect it to have such great feedback! Thanks for that!
So, I’m back here, nothing has changed much since that day. Although in my own feeling and idea I have changed a lot since then. And this change its translated in different ways.
I’m not here to teach you a lesson, I don’t feel like I have the guts to say I’m that strong and powerful, but yes I feel like somebody who can use more of this good stuff dreams are made of.
Somebody asked me today if I was still looking for a job and if I was just looking for some ‘work of me‘, which means that if I’m looking for a job only about what I’m good at or which I do have much experience in it.
This is a funny question and I will tell you a bit more about it. I replied this particular person that I didn’t have a clue what ‘work of me’ means. Since I’m a writer, as I said before, not every job applies to what I am. However, I believe that every job can give me new resources and more insight on the search to my dream job.
But this insight doesn’t fall from the sky. It’s like a path you don’t know where is going to lead you. So, being a writer doesn’t mean much. It means I’m good at writing and putting words together. It means I’m a creative person. It means I like to communicate. It means I like stories to be told, stories to be true and stories to dream of.
It also means I’m quite open to talk about myself. And that I do listen to other people’s stories. It means also I like to work with texts and computers. It means I take time to digest everyday’s moments into words.
