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Georgina Zinno

In Search Of My True Self

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The Final Cut*

 

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I now realize it’s been almost half a year since the last time I wrote here. Nothing wrong about it, of course, I’ve already stated I’m not a blogger anymore, I just keep my label as a writer who writes whenever suits her.. And that’s fine.

Things have been speeding up this last half year. My last entry went about how freedom was something in the mind, something you realize it’s not about hiding your grieve and faking a mask of happiness. This has been really clear to me through all these months lately.

It’s like when you gain new knowledge and information, about yourself, about the world, and then suddenly you discover that everything you thought was real it just isn’t. That emptiness can be really scary.

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Freedom is a state of mind

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My heart has been pounding from one state of mind to another. Wondering along the way which state was better to hold on, I grabbed my own self many times wishing there was only one way to fulfil my hungry heart.
It seems to me that this wondering attracts also lots of instability, doubt and feelings such as failure, disappointment and yes, sadness. Why? Because that’s what happens when you do your best not to feel, when you shut yourself up to the old and decide that all pain you’ve been going through it’s enough. Finito.

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Live to tell* (Going nuts in Paris)

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Today is exactly a week ago that I literally came back to life. I was spending last Sunday Easter day my time with a good friend in beautiful city of lights, Paris, France.
It’s been exactly 21 years ago since I’ve been in this lovely city. My friend Octavio was coming to Europe and after deciding it wasn’t possible for us to meet in the Netherlands; we gave up the hope of seeing each other again.
Later on, I had the brilliant idea to fly to Paris and spend this long weekend with him. It was possible, and everything was arranged for us to spend this Easter weekend together. So I flew by plane on Friday afternoon and we met at the airport. It was quite an experience for me, since it was a long month since my bike accident and I wasn’t going out that much due to the injury in my knee.
Anyway, we spend some nice time together until Sunday.

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Enter the dark side

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I’ve been silent for long. Silent and hidden in my perfect bubble home.
Since 4 weeks ago, after a serious bike accident and a deep injury in my knee, I’m enjoying the art of nothing and resting for good.
It was in the previous weeks to the bike accident that my life was jumping from one foot to the other. Although the feeling inside was kind of fine – always in a hurry, no time to think things over, freak control over kids, house, work and myself. Let’s face it, I’m a control freak. And as such, I tend to overthink and stress for little things, like toys on the floor, dinner ready on time, etc.

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Back to basics & (why not?) from bitter to better

3422Well, hello there again, It’s been quite a long time since my last post.

And you may think I lost my creativity somewhere on the way, or my inspiration. But nope, reality is that what I lost was my sight. Yes, as you read it. My glasses broke and I’ve been spending more than two weeks not seeing properly. And not only I couldn’t read nor write, I had times of evil headaches and a strained neck product of trying really hard to read emails on my computer.  Altogether it’s just a bad thing.

Anyway, here I am, alive and kicking. And what can I tell you about the whole experience of feeling nearly blind? It helped me to see (literally) things in a different way.

From what you know up to now about me, I think it’s obviously clear that since I started this quest to be helped to find a job and how every step further developed my path, I’m still facing the same insecurity from the beginning. With the little difference now that being thrown up to another dimension of my same life made me think about my whole search as a sort of magical reason to understand other aspects of my life. Let me explain myself better.

Continue reading “Back to basics & (why not?) from bitter to better”

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