Hello and welcome back to my long forgotten blog. It’s been really a long time since I wrote for the last time in English. And it’s a pity, I know, with so many people who were reading it in the first place, and also many of my friends and acquaintances who can’t read Spanish.. because, of course, I continued writing in Spanish in these last two months.
Reconnecting with you out there
Two months ago I was heading towards Buenos Aires, Argentina, my hometown and country. As many of you have been reading the last months, I was going under much stress at home, not only because of the lack of job, also the personal issues I’ve been trying to master on my own.
So, it was such a relief to have the opportunity to board a plane and go away for some time. It was really useful. And necessary.
But here I am, back to basics. I’ve been already for some time toying with the idea of writing again here for you. Why did I take my time? I sort of promised to write an article about the whole trip. I even thought to include all the juicy details about how low budget possible that was to be done in such a beautiful city as Buenos Aires.
Truth is I didn’t make the time for it. And.. I’m still not sure how do I want to write that article at all. In my mind I have this crazy idea about it, that it will be a way to give my past the place it deserves. And that’s not just something you do without a thought. I need to take my time.
Anyway, I’m here. I’m back. And of course there’s a reason for it.
And my reason is you. As a writer it has been really awesome to have so much feedback from others since I started writing with my open heart. It’s been great but also has been difficult at times when I just wanted to move back to the retreat of my words.
Writing in English gives a great exposure. I wasn’t really aware how much that could be. All of a sudden you can reach people from all over the world, no matter where are they born, no matter where in the world they are. And that’s absolutely amazing.
But truth is I feel more comfortable writing in my own language, although less people are reading me. And that doesn’t mean I want to quit writing in English. It has been great to be read by others and also for me to write in English. It has been a great exercise since I don’t write in English that much for years.
Everything what has been going on has been really moving for me. Specially everything between the moment I wrote here for the last time and now.
Going back to Buenos Aires was the key I needed to open my mind, body and soul. To open myself, to find me. Because I was out there, howling at the moon, crying until I didn’t have tears left, my whole world was collapsing while life went on.
I took that step aside, flying back home with the only hope of finding back there all the love and affection I was missing here. Reality was that love and affection they do were there, but in a different shape.
Connecting with myself, disconnecting with the world
The fact that I didn’t have FB for 2 months and at the last moment I decided to re launch the account was not fortuitously intended. I knew that this way I was going to communicate with the people there. And indeed, FB helped me to sort out the lack of having my own mobile and spending money in unnecessary calls.
Fact is I didn’t have the opportunity to do some writing while I was there. It was a combination of factors and then later I thought ‘oh well, it’s ok this way too’.
I was so used to my phone and social media! I did use my phone the first week and luckily got a message from my provider telling me I have already used my whole data package! It was my fault of course, I didn’t disconnect the ‘data package roaming’.. so, imagine the bills I had to pay when I came back to the Netherlands.. not funny at all.
Great thing is that in Buenos Aires you have plenty of free Wi-Fi zones. And at home by my mom I could always connect with the Wi-Fi. But still, writing needs a different approach and environment.
Finding the lost pieces
And I did find myself back there in that apartment where I spend great time of my youth. And not only there, on the streets where I used to walk to go to school, the parks I used to go when I was a little girl, the house where my grandparents lived (and now a new building is occupying its place) and everywhere I was looking at, I saw myself like time had not pass at all.
But it wasn’t in those places where I found the lost pieces of my identity. It was in the little moments, it was the quality time I spend with my beloved ones that gave me my life back.
And last but not least, I found two big boxes full of letters. Letters I received and wrote from more than 20 years ago. That was the missing piece of the puzzle. You can’t imagine how much information, memories and moments these letters gave me back. So much love and friendship, but also difficult and sad moments came back. And this was something I wasn’t prepared for. It took me some days to elaborate and re digest. It gave me a piece of my past I didn’t know anymore. Some facts were different than what I thought, some people who used to write and said how truly friends we were, weren’t that anymore. It has been such an unique way of finding myself again.
Of course, I’m still not done with this. Have so much in my head. So much time I spend thinking about me and my life in a wrong way. Not really giving value to all the good stuff and caring about myself. This way I reconnected with myself. And for this reason it has been difficult to put all these thoughts and ideas together. But it will come. Little by little.
Because, now you know, not only I found myself back there in hometown Buenos Aires, I also found out that life as rich as we like it means nothing without good friends.
It was due to my real good friends that I could make the best out of all the trip.
There were moments it was really difficult being there. Not only because my mom is sick, also because I was alone. A single mother completely on her own. And without any money.
It made me see the real true colours of friendship. And love.
Still having all this in my head. So many lively memories I want to keep forever in my heart.
Back to basics
By basics I understand the following: connecting with myself and reconnecting with all the love I always have. And by this, I can say that now I’m more wary about who enters in my life. Because all the people I met since I’m living abroad has added something new in my life, but unfortunately also took something from me. Sometimes in a nasty way. In ways you only cry from deception.
So, summarizing, I’m back to my roots. And my life, which nobody needs to understand besides me.
Thanks for reading. I will be back, whenever the time comes. I’m still learning to master this art.
Wishing you all a great holidays season, merry Christmas and, of course! a happy New Year!