Money, money, money. So much written about it, and still a big topic for everybody to talk about.
You see, when I started with this blog my main goal was to be helped to find a job. And although I had great advice and tips from people I still didn’t find that job I so much wanted to have.
And you may ask yourself why did I needed to have a job in the first place. And I said much about the reasons why, you can read about my quest here, but the main one was simply and only: money.
Because, not that I think money makes the world go round, but yes, money is necessary to live the life you want. At least this life. Money is necessary to pay for the things you can’t provide for yourself, can be food, a house, your bills, but also all other stuff you enjoy and is part of living a succesful life. I think money it’s such a difficult subject because we still think that it can’t replace other important stuff in our lives, such as love, friendship and compassion.
Because we live in a capitalist world (the ones we do), money occupies a place for people to feel underpowered or overpowered.
My relationship with money has been always a troublesome one. Since the very moment I was living with my parents, and they were struggling for a better future living abroad, to the time I was on my own discovering the world with my first jobs.
I always enjoyed working. And not because of money. Just because of doing something, being useful. But of course I don’t love all kind of jobs. And I still want to believe there’s a way out there for me to find that money I need without depending on others.
For women money has many faces. Since we late in history started to earn our own money. Before that we were depending on men (fathers, husbands, bosses, whatever). In my opinion, this is a main fact for us to have a wrong idea about it. But most of all, I think it has to do with our original knowledge about it. And that, usually starts within our own families, circle of friends, school, culture, etc. So, you see, we can have many ways, ideas and opinions about that one thing called money.
My story with money started the wrong way. Or better be said, I was taught that money was everything what mattered. I grew up in a family where money was the hot topic everyday. We had a wealthy way of living, but at the same time we were all manipulated because of it. I grew up thinking money was the big problem, the reason why my mother was always unhappy and feeling sad. When you grow up thinking that, you develop a hate relationship with that what you so much need. And that’s the reason why it all went wrong.
So, later, when I was 18 years old and had finished High School, my main goal was to do as much as possible to survive without my family deciding for me. So I chose the more difficult path. And since then it has always been really awful to find my own way to survive with and without it.
I became independent, almost always with crappy jobs or the bad paid ones. And this was a sort of personal decision. In my mind I had this idea that if I was giving up my ideology of a better world, this wasn’t including money. But I so much needed it!
Later, when I came to the Netherlands, together with my partner and our little baby, without any cent in our pockets, we had to be starting all over again. At the beginning was really difficult for us, but later we could stablish and have our own house, jobs, etc. In this more materialistic country I realized that it wasn’t money the issue, it was me. And my own idea of it. My personal story about it. And this, believe me, took me years to understand.
So, now I still don’t have a job, and I’m still depending on a man. And that sucks.
But what I learned from myself and from all this Blog Lovin’ Tour is that it’s not about what it is, but how it is for you. It comes back to you. To how you see things, how you understand them, how you relate to them. Which feelings do you have, which responsibilities you feel attached to.
And as a mother of two young children, as a writer, as a friend and lover of life, I now know that it was me who needed to change for good. That money isn’t something bad or dirty. That it’s not about the object, but how you use it for the things you need.
And because I know what I want, this search of myself also is unrevealing all my prejudices about money. After all, money is just what we use as a payment for goods and services.
We can change the world. But first we need to change ourselves. Our own ideas of the world, our own ideas of what we think and believe. All the utopic ideas about a perfect world are still possible, so long we can understand which position we are choosing.
As for now, I choose a different position. I will be looking for a job, not just finding one, maybe creating one, maybe understading that money it’s not what makes the world go round, but yes the medium of exchange we are currently using to pay and be paid for what we do.
In any case, I don’t need to be scared anymore. Money is here, now you see it, now you don’t. And as a woman, what I want the most is to learn how to provide for myself and my family.
You will hear more about it soon.
Take care. And spend wisely.
The Declaration of you will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s Blog Lovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more – and join us! – by clicking here.