Welcome back! Week number 4 of the Blog Lovin’ Tour for the book The Declaration of You is now running! This time I felt a bit overwhelmed about it… The topic this time is Self-Care. This sounds really good but hum, not so easy to put it into practice.
Welcome back to this amazing tour, the book is already on every (North) American books store shelf! I’m really happy for Michelle and Jessica, they really did a great job putting their minds together to bring this book out!
“The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s Blog Lovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more – and join us! – by clicking: here.”
This post is my contribution to the cause. Hope you enjoy it!
What about Self-Care that I don’t know?
This late Monday I’ve got my new email from Michelle, and then there it was! We were touring now in week number 4 and the topic Self-Care came along, and I wasn’t ready for it! It took me by surprise, and since I’m having quite busy and difficult times at this moment, the last thing I was thinking about was writing a new post… I was having so many doubts about it. What was I going to write about it? What can I exactly say about Self-Care? It was 10 times more difficult than when I chose the topic in the first place some time ago… Of course, no one is coming to tell me what I have to do, I decide myself if I want to write about it or not.
Delaying the writing, I was all the time thinking about it, what to write, what to write… and then came the post of Jessica about it, and later the one from Michelle. And there, yes, I knew I was on the right road! Read Michelle’s post about Self-Care here. She brought the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks Michelle for that!
What was exactly what I didn’t know? Why was I having so many doubts?
Well, I can easily explain it if I tell you more about me. But first, let’s re read what Michelle talks about:
Self-Care is about The Things That Make You Feel Good, which are:
- It is about expression
- It is about passion
- It is about longing
- It is about identity
And these ones are the last we think about. When we say Self-Care we tend to think about exercising, eating well, a good hygiene and also not smoking and drinking (or not too much drinking…)
Of course all these are decisions we make to feel better with ourselves. It’s part of the taking good care of oneself. But there is more. And there I was having the doubts. Because since I’m struggling for a better life and a better me, all Michelle talks about has to do with RESPECT for oneself.
Respecting oneself without being selfish
Although many people tend to see me as an arrogant person, having everything under control and taking over really easily; that’s actually just for the outside world. Reality is that I’m not like that at all. I may try to retain some things but many times the ones that are really important to me, I just let them go.
In the past months I’ve been under much stress. Many things are happening at the same time. Many of those things were already happening for a long time, but I was not paying due respect. Figuring out how to handle a personal situation which is sometimes getting out of hands it can be exhausting and overpowering. And for that reason I tend to put my effort and attention on other subjects, other people’s issues, having a word about the world out there and interfering myself with issues that aren’t my business.
It’s a kind of escapism. Trying to encompass the world when you can’t even encompass your own life is killing.
I have times I feel myself important or willingly to reach my hand out to someone in need. This works most of the times temporarily, leaving me empty and useless as result.
Respect is something that we need to find for ourselves. It’s out there, but no one else will give it you so long you don’t do it for yourself. It’s easily said. To have it done right where you want, takes some extra effort.
How do you do it, not feeling guilty or selfish? That’s something I always wonder about. I see from my looking glass to all the people out there, living their (apparently better) lives and I feel jealous. How do they do it? What’s their receipt for happiness?
By thinking this way you make yourself little. You close yourself to the world. You live for the eyes of the others. Of course you are also hoping to be seen as somebody happy and interesting. And this just doesn’t happen.
Your true self needs of you. It needs of your own respect, your own time. You are the only one who can provide yourself your own Self-Care.
It’s not selfish to look after yourself. It’s necessary and healthy.
Everything starts from oneself, from within and then radiates outward. There’s no other way. And if somebody told you different, don’t believe it. Any other way, you will always come back to this same point. It will lead you back to you.
Perfection isn’t real
I realized that because of my need to be part of the world, being always somewhere else than looking into myself, I was missing a big piece of my puzzle. When you don’t pay attention to your real needs, your life passes you a bill. And that bill can be of any kind. You can see it translated into health issues, emotional breaks, tiredness and more.
I’ve been having a bunch of these for the last years, for too long. And it came a day, not so long ago now, when I decided I couldn’t continue like this anymore. Of course I took care immediately. At least for those issues I thought I could do something properly that was within the reach of my hand. I’m still busy at it.
The most difficult thing was accepting me as I really am, with all my good and bad deeds. Accepting me by being one of a kind and alive and kicking wasn’t always going to be just a feast.
There was a moment I couldn’t help myself anymore and needed to say what I was going through. That has been until now the most difficult thing to do: telling the world I feel like a failure. That my life isn’t the way I wanted or expected it to be. There are a lot of things beyond my reach and control. And that life can still be good so long you make space for it to happen.
We tend to look for perfection, balance and multitasking. Some days it’s ok to do that, some days not. And that’s all right. Nobody is going to shout out at you saying you aren’t doing your best. We want more, fast and easier. But life is more than that. And one day you are here expecting, the other day you are actually doing something for it. Just enjoy your time.
That’s the reason why I joined this tour. It has been a challenge to look deeply into myself and be brave enough to share that experience with you out there.
The world is full with so many things, new ones, old ones, great ones, little ones, happy and sad ones. Everything is a part of it. It’s ok if you can’t have everything under control.
You deserve a better life. And that life is nowhere to find it, than here, right here, where you now are.
Reach for the stars. Think BIG. Enjoy, give time to your passion. Do, do, do. Da, da, da.
Commitment with yourself
The only and real commitment begins by oneself. Make a list of what makes you happy, what makes you feel in peace with yourself. What brings happiness to your heart? What makes you laugh, dream, have joy?
Of course, you need to do something for it. Just by wishing to the stars isn’t enough. If you want to reach out the stars, you need at least to build a ladder.
Build your own ladder. No matter which way you do that. Do it for yourself.
As for me, I started by something tiny, but it’s something I’m starting I feel it pays off.
The first thing I did was uninstall Facebook from my phone. It was an addiction, taking away all the time I had for other things, like reading, writing, going for a walk, or just paying attention to my kids. I wanted so bad to know every minute what was happening out there. I was missing my own life to it. I do use it, but from my laptop, and the rule is not to put on the laptop that much during the day.
As for the second, it is going to bed earlier. This is also easy said than done, but I strive to at least do it between 23:30/00:00 h. No more than that.
And the third, and most important of all, is not to give up my dreams and needs. I have to continue my struggle to be independent. To fight for my own place, no matter how long it takes. This is my chance, and I won’t let it go.
I know deep in myself these are tough moments, times for tests. But it won’t last forever.
I can now say it. No matter in which language, no matter to whom. I want to break free. And I’m working on it.
There’s nothing more important now than that. And this needs lots of patience and inner peace.
Because bringing your true self to the top shelf is just a matter of time, love, patience and most of all: Self-Care.
As you may know there’s a party every Friday to celebrate together. I can’t wait to be a part of The Declaration of You’s Facebook party this Friday at 9:30-10a PST/11:30a-12p CST/12:30-1p EST. We’ll be chatting in real time about SELF-CARE over at facebook.com/TheDeclarationOfYou. Hope you can join us!