Inspiration, Wellness

Picking up the pieces


This post was already in my mind a week ago. First I thought to name it Picking up the signs, but  the expression didn’t seem quite right  in English. And while looking for a good picture to add emphasis, I couldn’t find any at all with the idea I was looking for.

I thought to myself that this was maybe another sign I was not paying attention to.

Still didn’t find the right picture for my idea of ‘picking up signs’, so let it be pieces then.

A week ago I was telling you about the purpose of this challenge and how I also realized that being who you really are is of great importance in this search for a job, and yourself.

After that post I’ve got some good reactions, and I started feeling closer to the edge of where I was meant to go to. It was like all of sudden, but in reality wasn’t like that at all. You see, this quest isn’t new for me, it’s just that for the first time I dare to do it publicly. Using social media for myself to be helped to find a job has been enthousiastically received. But at the same time has been really overwhelming.

Nevertheless, I’ve got the message. And this was a message of change and fulfillment, but not yet fully for me to understand it.

Some weeks ago, before setting myself to look forward than what my eyes could reach, I began daily meditation at home. Although  not having always enough free time for it, I decided to do it while my daughter was taking her nap. Normally I use this time to write or to do other things on the computer or to do things around the house. It’s not always easier to do everything you want when you have a little kid behind you (or next to you) asking all the time for your attention. Of course there are ways to push her attention somewhere else, but that trick not always works.

In this case giving up my free time for meditation wasn’t always really appealing me to do. Until I made up my mind and decided to give it a try. Just by closing my eyes, sitting on a chair next to the window and feeling completly on my own.

After the first week I discovered a whole new world. Although my mind keeps running in circles with thoughts, it’s a great exercise just to focus on my breathing. It gave me the calm and quiet I was needing. Since I started, I would like to do this more often. I hope I had more time!

Back to the challenge. After the last post I’ve got less reactions that the first time. I was toying with the idea that perhaps this blog not also was going to give me the results I wanted, also was a good idea to show you people what I was capable of. On one hand it was a great idea, on the other it was not completly the aim of this game. I even got some offers to use my blogs as ‘paying cash’ tool. I must say this came from two different persons, and I still don’t fully understand how do you do that. It looks simple, but  it doesn’t seem so simple to me. Just by joining a sort of platform for online marketing. It looks quite tempting I must say, but after giving it a second thought I knew that when things come too easy, not always are the things we are looking for. When I started writing in my blogs it was never my idea to use them to make money. Although I don’t discard the fact that publicity can pay some nice cash, this online marketing offer looked like something absolutely different than what I am standing for.

When you happen to have more attention from people you don’t know, you begin to feel more ambitious. You want more people to read you, no matter what you have to say, and that idea of success is quite tempting too. But what is success after all?

At this moment the challenge starts to feel more and more like a real challenge. Still 4 more weeks to go and the unemployment insurance will come to an end. I don’t have much money saved, I think I can try to survive for a month without it. It’s not really a promissing perspective, I know. And you may all think, what am I thinking to do next. At this very moment I’m trying to save every cent I can. And that also means cutting off on wasteful spending.

By picking up the signs, like I wanted to do, I realize that when I’ve send this challenge I didn’t have a concrete idea of what I was looking for. It came out of despair and for that reason I was open for almost everything. But not. I’m not.

I’m sure you will think how is it possible to close yourself to new ideas when you are running out of time like I do. Well, let me tell you something. I’m not closing myself to anything, I just want to be more specific than what I was at the beginning. And all this came exactly after my first week of meditation. I’ve got many reactions on Facebook, from people in my own network rather than from strangers.

I realized that having a great network does really pay its results when you know how to use and activate it. Network works. And in the fraction of a second I’ve got people remembering my challenge every time somebody was posting something about a job in some group.

It was great to see how people reacted positive to help me out. Not all the times these signs of help were really what I was looking for. Or better be said, not knowing from the beginning what I was looking for resulted in a maremagnum of reactions of job offers not always suitable to my situation.

This is important. And this is the first piece I picked up. By not knowing myself what I was looking for, I was receiving  job offers of every kind and everywhere.

The first moment I was very happy, but when I realized this wasn’t going to help me further I felt a bit dissappointed. It seemed to me like a good idea at the first moment, but then I had this image of running sand through my fingers. Time was running up and all I’ve got were options not realistic or suitable for me.

Some people reacted really supportive, offered to take a look to my cv and gave me also the advice that used to worked for them.

I even had the offer to publish my story on a website. I was really enthousiastic but even after giving the first step myself, never heard about it anymore.

It was as if the world was noticing my pleading but not fully listening to what I had in mind.

When I started meditating I realized I was walking an endless road with signs everywhere that didn’t catch my eye. And then that was the moment when I knew something was going wrong.

Out despair, knowing the end was coming faster than I could think I started looking myself for more options. If my aim was to work in this region, obviously I needed to give more searching options, opening myself to other sort of jobs. Like jobs in the Horeca (Hotel Restaurant Catering). I found some I applied for, but almost immediately got a rejection. I wasn’t feeling happy at all, I thought I made a great match for a simple job as that. This was to work in the catering service of La Place in Bataviastad, really close to where I live.

Even the sales assistant job offer the Van Gogh Museum store was looking for wasn’t for me.

The second piece or sign I received was that luck was around the corner. Like I said before, when you know how to activate your network, it can give you the most unexpected results. I didn’t need to look so far. A good friend of mine, who collaborates in one of my blogs, was alert enough to notice an ad on a group which she thought it could be something for me.

I did send an email to the person who was looking for somebody to help her with her business but didn’t immediately get a reply. I was even forgotten when after some time I did receive a repply. At this moment this job offer isn’t something I can fully talk about because I prefer to give the time its time. But I have a good feeling about it.

I must say that after this, I felt not only relieved, I even felt lucky. And feeling lucky it’s something I wasn’t feeling for a long time.

And that’s a piece of the puzzle of my life I never was able to tell anybody. In this quest for the real me, I’m also making decisions for my future. As a mother of two young kids, living in a country so much different than the one of my own, after walking along this road of ups and downs, now things are changing for good. Even with all the evolving situations that seem to be complex and risky. Even if this part of the road needs to be walked alone.

I’m on my own now. Deciding my future and the ones of my kids. Starting again has always been difficult. The main difference now is that I feel lucky. Even without knowing which turn my path will show.

So long I’m aware and smart enough to pay attention to the signs, I know everything will be ok.

I’m sure. It’s a long way to the future. And I’m ready to walk it on my own.

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